Boys. (I'm such a Girl.)

I actually kind of enjoyed filling out this stupid thing. Mostly because I'm waaaaaiting for the Christmas Party where there will be free food and booze, and the time just won't go by fast enough.

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WRITE THE NAMES OF 5 MEMBERS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX

Sure, why not. W, S, J, T, and E.

ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS

Are you older than #1?
Not by a long shot.

How did you meet #2?
He played a coke-snorting, blow-job-getting gangster in J’s Directing II film.

Last time you saw #3?
The last time the open mic wasn’t friggin’ cancelled!

Does #4 look like a celebrity?
Michael Cera from Arrested Development!!!

When will you next see #5?
Probably the 26th, if Widow Brown’s is open for Trivia Night.

Has #1 ever given you a gift?
His eternal SOUL. [Wicked laugh.]

Ever been on vacation with #2?
I want to take him on his first trip to NYC soooo bad!

Do you know #3’s parents?
The biggest fans of my directing ouvre!

What is #4’s middle name?
E

Ever date #5?
For a few months in 1996. What crazy kids we were!

Does #1 have any pets?
He is the father of my Zinnia and my Ruby, and also that other weird cat that lives in our house.

Favorite memory of #2:
Waiting in the hospital / Beating him up in the lobby of his building / Staying up all night being really stupid

Does #3 have a good sense of humor?
A brilliant one when he is working alone or with intellectual peers.

Stupidest thing you ever did with #4:
The 11th grade Anastasia Romanoff video. (I was the DeNiro to his Scorsese back in the day…)

Name an inside joke with #5:
It involves a mysteriously sticky deck of playing cards.

Is #1 boyfriend material?
He is a cotton/polyester/boyfriend blend.

Ever get drunk with #2?
Not often enough! He’s my favorite drinking buddy.

Is #3 cute?
He has the dreamiest green eyes I’ve ever seen!

An ideal day with #4:
Watching the Oscars together!!! I can’t believe we never have!

Have a nickname for #5?
Gramps.

Ever seen #1 naked?
Hmmm, let me think. Why, yes! Yes, I have! Whaddya know about that!

Been romantically involved with #2?
You’re not the first one to ask that question, Mr. Survey Person.

Taken a picture of #3?
He’s been in 4 of my films, and I snapped a picture of him wearing magenta silk briefs. It’s intense.

Dirtiest thing you did with #4:
Saw Quills together. Poop-tastic.

Intimate detail about #5:
He has a false tooth, but everyone knows that

Think you’ll still know #1 in 10 years?
Damn straight!

Would you do anything for #2?
Yes, if it is genuinely for him. If he asked me to eat worms or streak a hockey game, then no.

Could you introduce #3 to your family?
He has flown to my home state, crashed at my parents’ house, and danced with my Mom and my Grandma.

If you never met #4:
I would be at least 50% less silly

#5 is the guy in my life who:
I don’t see that often but he cracks my shit up.